Our physical defects affects child
Small centers or large nose, large belly or old-fashioned look… Children and banked-up bed, we did everything of them the experiment with our costs, have the gift to aim pile where our complexes nest, and it is obviously not by chance. As discrete as they are, our doubts escape their sagacity with difficulty. “We are the central pillar of the life of our children and the object of all their attention, estimates the psychologist Christine Brunet.
Their unconscious is connected on ours; they hear what is not said and see what is masked. By aiming such zone, they also wish to check their intuition. And according to our reaction, they will know so yes or not they had collected something of Juste. ” According to it, the child wants to also make sure that his/her parents can manage defects which he perhaps also inherited.
Because, behind their roughness, even their cruelty, the remarks assassinate on a divided physical feature, or lived like such, are often to reassure itself. “If my mother assumes well her roundnesses, there is no reason that those pose problem to me”, “If, who is not an Apollo, and the women like like my father, then that should go for me too. ” One should not either underestimate the competition œdipienne which pushes the child (and later the teenager) to physically devalue the relative by the same sex to collect with its profit the glance of the other relative. Erin, 43 years, quotes by smiling the sentence of his/her 7 year old daughter: “My mistress is so beautiful that if dad saw it, I believe that it would leave you to marry it. ”
Even desire not disguised to make disappear the rival among boys who, between 5 and 11 years, do not balk to point the plastic weaknesses of their paternal hero. Gaspard, 8 years, speaks readily about the “can of his/her father”, whom it compares with that of Homer Simpson. Lenient, the dad smiles “a little yellow”, before launching one “Your mother likes me as I am?! ” which recadre instantaneously inclinations œdipiennes of Gaspard.
With adolescence, the sentences assassinate on the physique multiply and make all the more badly as they are stripped in all full knowledge of the facts. Today, the majority aim at the jeunism of the parents, very badly lived by the banked-up beds. “These sentences are a criticism of the negation of the difference of the generations and a denunciation of the parents who are posed as sexual rivals their children, explains Christine Brunet. They are a way of saying: “Your body is not any more 20 years old, remain in your place, maintaining it is our turn!” ”
In all the cases, when one receives full whip an arrow poisoned on behalf of his child or of his teenager, the worst thing to be made, even if one were deeply wounded, is, according to Christine Brunet, to counteract on the same mode. “Of deep and durable narcissistic wounds can result from it, warns the psychologist, even if that is known as with humor and without desire to hurt. To answer in a way right, the relative must trust so that he hears behind the words and find the answer best adapted according to the age and of the nature of the remark. ”