And if our limits were such as they prevented the phantasm itself? And if we did not have phantasms? Impossible, according to Sylvain Mimoun: “Everyone dreams, without inevitably remembering it. For the phantasms, it is the same thing: all the women have some. ” For various reasons, some are of it simply less aware that others. “There is no rule on the matter. Nothing is obligatory. But the phantasm is a facilitator of sexuality, it is the best means of knowing and to have pleasure. I thus advise with all those which would not sexually be opened out to stimulate their imaginary. ”

To see books, to look at films, without jumping the erotic passages. To stop, on the contrary, and to observe its feelings there. To include/understand what stimulates us. To feel what allures us. “It is necessary to be familiarized initially with these feelings, and to include/understand what causes them. Then, during the report/ratio in love, it is often enough to convene these emotional memories to feel this pleasure again. ” And to all those which would be still afraid, Sylvain Mimoun recalls his formula fetish: “The phantasm is a caress of the spirit. ”

A NEW INVESTIGATION

More than thousand five hundred women questioned by Ipsos speak about their report/ratio to the desire, their concerns when it fluctuates, their happinesses when it is with go love, their phantasms. The gynaecologist and psychosomatician Sylvain Mimoun, in the light of this survey and of his decades of practice, decipher what they say… and what they do not say.

Cleavage female-masculine perdure. Those which live an unslung sexuality remain “bitches”, the men are always gift Juan. We say it less, because we want to be modern, but felt did not change. Women – themselves adhere to the idea of a “model good” of female sexuality. If it is not in practice, at least in the speech. Of course, they speak more than front, but undoubtedly would like to say some even more…

All the investigations show a bringing together of the men and women in their sexual practices during the last decades. In the long term, we could thus see emerging a perfectly similar sexuality, with as many phantasms for the ones as for the others, even of the similar phantasms. These differences are not indépassables by nature. But culturally, if. The company needs sexuées standards? ; the otherness, it is the base even of the heterosexuality. True progress would however be there: to release themselves from these single models, and to be able to enjoy its sexuality in all autonomy. ”

But, to show, still is necessary it to be able to exceed its own resistances, sometimes solid, which are opposed to its exercise. For the psychoanalyst, the parents are aware that these are the fears which prevent them from positioning with accuracy. These fears, we submitted them to Claude Halmos, so that it informs us on their feel and proposes tracks to us to exceed them.

Then comes time from the myth. Francoise Bernard uses the myth of Thésée facing Minotaure: a history of exploits, renouncements, desires and of destiny. “The myth allows a turning by the imaginary one, therefore a turning towards oneself. It offers to each one the possibility of translating such or such side of sound lived in other images, of putting its steps in a way already borrowed by others and of being thus constant in its interrogation. ”

She encourages us, after having told the exploits of future king d′ Athènes, to draw our own labyrinth, to name our own Minotaure and to give a generic title to the scene of the duel. I launch out in a red and black fresco baptized “the final fight”: Thésée, helmeted and winged, advances ready with in découdre with Minotaure which bars the road to him towards the light. I am surprised by the passion turning of the events! I have the impression to see a played scene thousand times where I recognize revolts, feverish enthusiasms and also of the fears which still prevent me from advancing as I would like it… And I formulate for myself: “Fought Enough, I want to anchor me. ”

I seek my cardinal points

This stage of work, my questions however remain: “Am I in the good place? Did I make the good choices? All would these fights, these cuts, have made me lose my wire of ARIANE? ” To allow us to take height, Francoise Bernard proposes to us to fill our Dédalescope. More than one curriculum vitae reduced to its only dimension of “race of life”, this exercise is presented in the form of a table of orientation intended to receive the inscription of our “careers of life”.

“This stage gives a sight synthetic and dynamic of what could be felt like a puzzle, even like a field of ruins, still Francoise Bernard specifies. He helps to be directed and very often reveals the wire of ARIANE which runs through what we could call the geology of ego. ”

With my companions of labyrinth, we thus undertake to read again our geographical map: our filiation, the big events of our lives, our studies formal and abstract, which was transmitted to us, which we transmit… Each one opens with the others its discoveries. For my part, I evoke some images of my childhood: my readings, my desire for writing, my dreams besides… I am delayed on my control of right obtained, I now know it, to balance a family debt.

Then I couple on my departure towards Paris, city-labyrinth chosen to invent me far from waitings of the others and to become journalist. In the interlacings of my account, I revive the doubts, but especially the meetings and the discoveries of this time. And I think that, with the image of Thésée, me also I took the bull by the horns! I was not afraid of (me) losing… for (me) gaining.

I found my wire of ARIANE

Such as I have written it and have just told it with the other trainees, my professional way appears in its coherence: at the same time necessary and formative. Reassured on my resources as on my roots, my Minotaure are done less threatening. As for ARIANE (my interior compass, my creativity), it can again inspire to me by the projects: fictions to be written, formations to be undertaken…

“The final fight already took place”, say itself I alleviated, sure to hold the good wire and ready to anchor me out of ground of writing. “In this step, which imports, it is which “I” occur at the same time as his project”, Francoise Bernard concludes before adding with mischievousness: “But, of course, them “I” never are really made…” Because the history of Thésée, it is the history of a life. A life to give its destiny moving to sail closest to its truth.

Punishments given and withdrawn without apparent logic, lessons of morals which do not apply to the prescribers, dissensions between the father and the mother to such or such educational point…, the list of the “weaknesses” of the parents is not exhaustive. And the children can use them to put them in difficulty. Not only to draw from it benefit, but also because “the inconsistency is while oneself distressing for young people, because it subjects them to the arbitrary one, which is “insécurisant”, underlines Stephan Clerget. They need to anticipate to feel safe, to be based on stable reference marks. ” This is why they would never have to be left without answer. Neither silence nor tender, recommends the psychotherapist. He advises with the parents who have the feeling to be misled to recognize it, but without exaggerating the mea culpa: “That would give to the child an authority which it does not have, that it should not have. One must remain that which is supposed to know what is best for his/her child. ” Thus can one say to him: “They are not false, even if it is exaggerated”, or “I a little quickly admit having decided that…”

“In all the cases, he insists, one should not put the child in position of judge. ” It should not feel guilty nor taken in fault when criticisms relate to the differences between him and his/her mother or her father: “You, you… while me, I…” an example: “Yes I smoke, and I know that they is very bad for health, but I am guaranteeing of your health, and therefore I prohibit to you to smoke! ” In the same spirit: “I have the right, but not you. ” Whereas one requires them it truth, the children flush out sometimes parental lies which revolt them. According to Stephan Clerget, is justified those the purpose of which are to save to them, at least temporarily, a too violent shock. Less legitimate, on the other hand, all those which aim at dissimulating capital information, on their origin or their becoming, for example. As for the small lies of comfort, even if they are not very reluisants, better is worth to assume them, by recognizing that one undoubtedly acted by idleness or fear. These weaknesses teach them that the things are seldom white or black.

Certain sentences assassinate on the treatment differences in the phratry can sometimes cause a catch. “One can benefit from it to speak about the differences in age, of the rights and duties which they imply, continues Stephan Clerget. One can as explain as that does not mean less love or of confidence. Without justifying itself nor to excuse itself, the parents can benefit from all the questions to open the discussion. To develop arguments is advantageous for the two parts. ”

Second rule: the councils of the confidante must remain credible and personalized. As, “the day when a woman understands as his/her friends bring only their own vision of the men and the love, and that actually, these is themselves that they speak when they advise it, it starts to want to keep for it his hopes and his fears”, Sophie Cadalen continues. And that is a first step towards the awakening that nobody, in any event, can never predict to become it of a history of love.